All right. How do we know that Adam and Eve weren't black?
- How? - You ever try to take a rib...
...away from a black man?
[LAUGHING]
HOWARD: That's pretty good. - That's pretty good.
I wouldn't take one from you, I know that.
- You eat it down to the bone. - That's a good one.
- Come on, come on. Tell more. - Okay, okay.
Why don't black people like country music?
Every time they say "hoedown," they think somebody shot their sister.
You know he's right. You know...
That is so true.
That's for you, a tailored joke for you.
- Why I gotta be a ho? PERCY: Ain't nobody talking about you.
- It's a sister... - A sister.
I'm not the ho sister.
Come on, now. Can't stop now, baby.
Okay. What are three things...
...that a black man can't get? - What is that?
A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
I tell you, I'm gonna kick this boy's ass.
- No, no! No, it's... - Back off.
We know you can take him, but just sit down, be nice.
Come on, now. It's a joke.
That's right, Daddy. Sit down, it's just a joke.
Come on, he-he, ha-ha, that's all it is.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
...all of a sudden, I lost my appetite.
Think I'll take a walk.
- I should've stopped at "hoedown." - You should've never started.
This isn't like us at home, you know, laughing about this bullshit.
It's my father's house, Simon.
What do you want me to do, go upstairs and apologize to him again?
THERESA: No.
Let the storm pass, it'll be fine.
- Besides, he dared you. - Wait, he double-dared...
- He called me chicken. - I heard.
- I can't be called chicken. - You have to watch him on those.
You know, I'm fresh out of ideas as to how to impress your father.
Telling black jokes is never a good idea. That's just me.
You think?
I'll talk to him.
Yeah?
Say nice things about me.
No, I'm not gonna say nice things about you. You are still punished.
- Baby, I'm a good guy. - You do the dishes.
SIMON: I like ribs too. I don't...
Why is he being so mean to me?
- My grandfather's out there. - He's not gonna come in here.
THERESA: This is my mama's kitchen. - He's not gonna come in.
THERESA: You're still gonna do the dishes.
- Get off me. - Fine, I'll do the dishes.
Here, do the broccoli one.
THERESA: Dad, I have to talk to you.
- What? - Why did you do that?
I didn't start it, Miss Nappy Head did.
Dad, Simon's a good man. He has a good heart.
- A good man, huh? - You put him on the spot.
- You really think so? - What's your problem with him anyways?
Besides the fact, of course, that he's white.
You're gonna get in a heap of trouble talking to me like that.
Care nothing about that man being a white.
- He's hiding something. - What, NASCAR?
Oh, you thought I didn't know, huh?
Of course I knew. We talk about everything, Simon and I.
Daddy, I love him. And you need to start respecting that.
How about you respecting me enough to tell me who you're bringing home?
- I didn't think you'd care. - But you wasn't sure...
...so you decided to test me. - No.
- So you're looking for a reaction. - No!
- What you looking for? - For you to tell me it's okay...
...for me to be with him.
[SIGHS]
I'm scared.
Okay?
I'm really scared, Dad.
I know things are different now, times have changed.
But you should really hear the kind of things people say to us sometimes.
And the way they look at us.
I need you to tell me that it's okay to be with him.
Baby, me telling you it's okay is not gonna change the world.
Oh, Daddy. But it would change my world.
Daddy, it'll change my world if I know that you're behind us.
I'm always behind you, sweetheart.
And I love you.
And it's my job to keep you safe.
And I don't trust that kid.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]
PERCY: Hey, baby. - Yes.
I'm trying to figure out where he get all those doggone black jokes.
What do white people do? Take a class in it, where they sit and think of...
...new jokes about the black man? - I don't know, Percy.
You need to let that one go.
Come on, sweetheart, we need to practice the tango.
I told you, I ain't doing no doggone tango.
Why? Because you think you can't dance anymore?
No, because I think the tango is a stupid dance, and I ain't doing it.
Marilyn.
Why we can't do the hustle? What's wrong with the hustle?
Because the hustle is a stupid dance, and I wanna do the tango.
Look here, woman, can't we do this some other time?
I gotta take Dad back to the home.
- I'll be back. - Okay.
[PERCY SNORING]
[TAPPING]
[MOUTHING] What are you doing?
[MOUTHING] The door is locked.
The window.
Simon!
[WINDOW SQUEAKING]
[THERESA LAUGHING]
THERESA: Shh. Shut up.
All right, stop, stop.
- Okay, move a little to your left. - Okay.
All right, kiss me. This is the exact spot where I had my first kiss.
No. I'm not gonna kiss you on the spot that you got your first kiss.
- No, no. - Why not?
It's... It's some other guy's spot.
Fine.
- What was his name? - Curtis Booker.
He had these big, old, Bucky Beaver teeth.
But he was such a nice boy. And he was a good kisser too.
Better than me?
- Way better. - Way better?
- Yeah. - He grab your ass?
- No. - Did he squeeze it?
No, we were 13.
- Grabbed you down here? - No. Come on.
SIMON: Slow down. - Come on.
SIMON: There's a car!
THERESA: Okay, be careful.
Okay.
- So this is my favorite spot. - Wow.
THERESA: It's pretty amazing, huh?
All right, so it's not... It's not the top of the world, but...
But it's nice.
It's a fort.
[THERESA LAUGHS]
It's a gun placement.
When I was little, I would sneak out of the house in the middle of the night...
...and just come out here...
...and just dream. - Yeah?
Weren't you afraid of sneaking out of your house?
Please. I'm not afraid of Percy Jones.
Well, that makes you...
...and you.
Okay, so it is just Cranford.
But it's a great place to grow up. It's a great place to raise a family too.
[SIGHING]
Maybe we shouldn't do this.
What? Live in the suburbs?
No, tell your parents about our engagement this weekend.
Oh, Simon, I told you not to look at him straight in the eye.
[IMITATING PERCY] I don't think Percy Jones is ready.
I think Percy Jones needs some more time.
A lot more time for Percy Jones.
- Are you getting cold feet, Simon? - No.
No, I'm not getting cold feet.
I can't wait to marry you...
...make babies with you.
Give me a daughter that looks just like you.
[WHISPERS] Wow.
I can work on that.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And hopefully, I can be a good dad.
I think you'll be a great dad.
You're never gonna be like your father, Simon.
- Maybe I can be like yours. - Like Percy?
- Yeah. - No.
Baby, Percy Jones is a good dad.
He's there for you.
He cares about you. He loves you so much.
He does.
We just have to get him to love you.
We can start by getting him to take the padlock off the basement door.
[LAUGHING]
It's not gonna happen.
- Give me a little Curtis Booker. - I can't believe I told you that.
- Come on, baby, a little Bucky Beaver. - No.
- Come on. - No. I want some Simon Green.
Marilyn, you cut off the porch light?
SIMON: Uh-huh.
That's my girl.
Very stylish.
I need to take a quarter inch off the pants.
- I can do it here, let me have them. - You mean, take the pants off?
I could do it with you in them, but I don't want to poke you.
You keep your eyes on the pants, you hear me?
Mr. Jones, do you know where the extra chairs are?
What, are you blind? They're against the wall.
- When you go out, close the door. MAN: Right.
Oh, Percy, put some pants on. We got people in the house. Thank you.
Thank you. I didn't realize.
[PHONE RINGING]
- How long this gonna take? - Two shakes of a lamb's tail.
- Whatever the hell that mean. DANTE: Mercy, Percy, keep your shirt on.
Or take it off. Whatever.
Could someone answer that damn phone? Thank you.
- Jones residence. - This is Reggie, who is this?
This is Theresa's boyfriend.
Jamal. What's up, man? Percy told me all about you.
- What's that? - My name is Reggie.
- Percy told me all about you, man. - He did?
Yeah, you know what we should do?
We should get together and play some hoops, man.
I don't really play hoops.
Come on, man. Don't be shy. Why you being shy?
Percy told me that you went to Howard. He said you almost went pro.
- He said that? - Yeah.
He said that. He was bragging about you, Jamal. All about you, but listen.
Two things. One, I was wondering, could you autograph...
...the issue of Jet for me? And the other thing is, I'd love to meet the Cosbys.
- Yeah. - When I say love to meet them...
...I mean I'd love to meet them. - I'll see what I can do.
- I feel like I grew up with them. - Let me get Percy for you.
You know, in the '80s and whatnot and...
- It's for you, it's Reggie. - We talking about the Cosbys. I'm sorry.
- May I have some privacy, please? - But yeah, I kind of grew up with them.
- And shut the door. - I always wanted to meet them. Theo...
PERCY: Reggie, what you find out?
You were right about Simon Green. He's no longer at JP Oliver.
Come on, come on. Give me my pants.
SIMON: Jamal, huh? - Don't start.
This isn't about me. It's about you and your job that you don't have anymore.
- What? - Yeah. Move out of my way.
Hey, baby.
Theresa, come here. Dad needs to talk to you.
THERESA: What's going on? - He doesn't know what he's saying.
THERESA: What are you talking about? - Your boyfriend lost his job.
- He got fired a couple days ago. - I did not get fired, I quit.
Wait, you quit? Why didn't you tell me this?
- It's complicated. - It's complicated when you're a liar.
I'm a liar. I'm a liar?
What about the lie that you told Reggie? Jamal?
- Who's Jamal? - Yeah, who is he?
- The Cosbys' friend. - What about NASCAR?
What about it? It was nothing. I admitted it.
- You admitted that you lied. - You tried to kill me with a go-cart.
At least I can drive. His crazy ass almost got us arrested.
- We both got court dates. - I can't believe you checked up on me.
- You kept asking me for money. - I never... I never asked you for money.
- You asked my father for money? - Fifty-thousand-dollar loan.
- I did not. He trapped me into it. - You were checking up on him?
Wait a minute. He forced my hand. You're my daughter. He's not worthy.
- That's not for you to decide. - That's right.
What about you lying to me? You said you never would.
SIMON: Baby... - You don't have to go with him.
I was going to tell you but I didn't wanna ruin the big weekend.
You said we'd be partners, we'd always tell the truth.
SIMON: Like how you told your parents about me being white?
- I knew they would not care about that. - I don't care. I care that you're a liar.
That's bullshit. You care. You care. He has to care. It's human nature.
So, what, that means that you care that I'm black?
- Do you? - Dad!
It doesn't matter what I say, you people are gonna think I'm racist.
- You hear that, "you pe..."? - I know, I heard. What people?
The people in the yard.
That's... That's what I'm... See? I say one thing, and I'm a racist.
- No, Simon, you're a liar. - And a racist.
Where do you get off calling me racist? I have a black girlfriend.
- You had a black girlfriend. - Have.
Had. Past tense, had. And let me tell you something else, son...
MARILYN: What the hell is going on here? - I'll tell you.
He got fired from JP Oliver, and...
- I didn't get fired, I quit. - You did.
I said to stay out of Theresa's personal life.
- Thank you! - He can't walk in our house telling lies...
...and get away with it. SIMON: I'm not!
I don't think so!
- The party's off, Percy. - Woman, you must be crazy.
I don't wanna say my vows with you. It'd be a lie.
Marilyn, we saying some goddamn vows tomorrow.
- I mean, he got a book and everything. - Would you shut up?
- You got your vows out of a book? - No, no, don't listen to him.
I got a book. I'm using it for inspiration.
- He wrote down every word. - You gonna get hurt.
MARILYN: That is so pathetic. - Come on, Marilyn.
Because if memory serves me correctly, I used to be inspiration enough.
- You still are. - You'd be inspiration to me.
- He neglects you. - Marilyn!
Marilyn, get your ass back here.
I got a $200 cake coming tomorrow, 60 pounds of shrimp.
Sixty pounds of shrimp, woman!
I had to take a second on the house. Marilyn?
- She looked angry. - Don't let me raise my voice now.
- You'll force me to use the muscle. - Hope you like seafood.
Marilyn!
Theresa, wait!
PERCY: Marilyn! Marilyn! SIMON: Theresa!
- Come on. - Marilyn!
- They'll be back. - They're not coming back.
PERCY: They gotta come back. Sixty pounds of shrimp.
Come on, baby, pick it up.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Answer that phone, sweetheart, and it will be your last.
SIMON: Let me borrow your car. PERCY: What?
You can't go chasing behind no women. Have some dignity.
Besides, you can't even drive a damn go-cart.
Trouble in paradise?
SIMON: Baby, we need to talk about this.
I think we should talk about it like adults...
...because adults communicate when they have problems.
I'm looking at your photos on the wall, and they're beautiful, beautiful photos.
I don't think that I compliment you on your work enough.
You know what? You're being rude, is what you're being. So call me back!
I'm sorry, you're not being rude. You have all the reason in the world...
...to be upset right now, and you should be.
You shouldn't be calling me. If I was you, I wouldn't be calling me.
Baby, call me back. Call me back, baby.
I'm looking at your bulletin board. There's a picture of you next to a guy...
...and I think that guy might be Curtis. Looks like he's got Bucky Beaver teeth.
He looks a lot older than 13, so I don't know how you feel about it...
...but it's gone now. Old Curtis Booker can go bye-bye.
Baby, do you have any Scotch tape?
You're acting like I cheated on you. I've never cheated on you.
Except for that one time with myself, and you caught me.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
PERCY: Darlene, how you doing? This is Percy.
I'm looking for Marilyn. She left earlier. I thought she'd be back by now.
I'm sorry, now, who is this?
Percy. Percy Jones.
I'm sorry, Percy, I must have fell asleep on the couch.
You say you're looking for Marilyn?
Yeah, have you seen her?
Well, now, what happened? What'd you say to my sister, Percy?
Nothing. Listen, if you hear from her, could you let me know?
Will do, and I'll look forward to seeing you tomorrow at the party, right?
- Yeah, should be a lot of fun. - Goodbye.
Girl, you will never guess who was just on the phone.
- A Mr. Percy A. Jones. - Percy A. Who?
WOMAN: Oh, yeah. - Well, baby, he is feeling the pain now.
WOMAN: All right.
Mom, is that gonna be your last one?
It might be, baby, and it might not.
Mom, you should be over there trying to work this out with Dad.
I should be trying to work it out with Simon. Oh, Mom, please.
DARLENE: Child, leave your mama alone. They ain't going nowhere.
Your man quit his job and didn't tell you.
- Got to nip that shit in the bud. THERESA: What? No, but...
Look, I have 15 missed calls. Fifteen, Mom. Fifteen.
- Fifteen? DARLENE: The baby got 15 missed calls.
- Let him wait. - That's true.
- I'm gonna call him. - No, no, no, you're not. No, you're not.
WOMAN: No, don't you dare. - You take your finger off that trigger.
Did he lie to you, Theresa? Did he lie to you?
- Yes, he did. DARLENE: So if you don't want him...
...to do it again, let him feel the pain. - Let him feel the pain!
Look, honey, and if you want him that bad, you got to train him.
ALL: Train his ass.
If what he giving you that good, and then you still don't want him...
...send his pasty ass to me.
[ALL LAUGHING]
- All right, one more, and that's it. - Two.
There you go, baby. There you go.
- Hey. WOMAN: Here's to you, baby.
MARCUS: Hey!
I gotta go to work in the morning. Hello?
ALL: Sorry, Marcus. DARLENE: I'm sorry, baby.
I'm sorry. You want a taste?
Thank you, Marcus.
This is my house.
[ALL LAUGHING]
- She won't answer the phone. - Don't wanna talk to you.
- Can I get something to drink? - What, vodka?
Yes. Vodka. I would like some vodka.
- Sorry, Charlie, no vodka. - There's gotta be something around here.
Marilyn was throwing an anniversary party.
- Is throwing an anniversary party. Is. - Was.
SIMON: Party's off, dude. - Party's on, dude.
And you won't find no liquor in here. This is a Christian home.
SIMON: Bingo.
House full of sinners.
Marilyn's got good taste in vodka. This is like a $50 bottle.
Give me that. Give it here. Give it here.
- Can I at least have a little bit? - No.
Just a taste?
Come around here, get the two glasses over there. Hurry up. Hurry up.
Who's playing?
Played. That's history.
New York Giants' first Super Bowl win.
- Talking about Phil Simms, L.T. - Yeah?
Yeah.
PERCY: You ever play?
[COUGHS]
- No, I told you before, no. - Pitiful.
All right, let's do it.
Do what?
SIMON: Hike!
Fumble!
SIMON: You didn't say you were gonna kick me.
PERCY: Touchdown!
Yeah, baby!
SIMON: This is where your hands go. - Where?
- You're on the bottom, I'm on top. - All right, all right.
Okay, so you hold this frame.
One, and step. Right.
PERCY: I'm leading. - Okay.
Back. Nice. Step. Left. Good. Double time.
- Okay, no, see, this... - What's wrong?
- You're screwing around. - No, I'm not.
You're getting crazy, not holding your frame.
There's gotta be space between us. It's not like we're sleeping together.
You're not holding your frame. It's a structured dance.
- Just back up. PERCY: Your mama taught you this?
Yes, I used to help her in the dance studio on weekends.
- Step. - You get fired from that too?
No. I didn't get fired from this job, I quit.
It was over money? Because if it wasn't, it don't make no sense.
I had a difference of opinion with the management.
They weren't ready for a guy like me.
- I don't get it. - And heads. You're doing great.
I ain't talking about this. I'm talking about you and Theresa.
You ain't got nothing in common.
For example:
You don't like sports. Theresa loves sports.
You're a businessman. She's an artist.
You're white. She's black. Did I miss anything?
No, that's just it, she's everything I'm not.
You know, she's my other half. Without her, I'm not whole.
You know, the thing about meeting your other half is...
...you're walking around, and you think you're happy. You think you're whole.
Then you realize you ain't shit without her.
You can't go back to being just a half. You know what it's like to be a whole.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I do.
And I still got it.
- That was nice. - Yeah, real nice.
- I thought the snap... - You like that?
SIMON: I think you hurt me. - Percy Jones, boy.
DANTE: Good morning.
Looks like I missed a fun night.
PERCY: Sitting up here watching football. - That's how it always starts.
- Where's Marilyn? - Stayed all night over at Darlene's house.
She must be really mad.
SIMON: You knew where they were the whole time?
- Yeah, I thought they'd be back by now. - Did you apologize?
- I didn't do anything. - Exactly.
Dante, please, don't try to play that metrosexual mind game on me, okay?
Okay, all right.
Let's go get them.
You don't understand.
They done called all their friends. They sat up all night ragging on men.
They worked themselves up into a man-hating frenzy.
- How many women? - I guarantee you large numbers.
Sisters. You can't go walk in on a bunch of angry black women. You'll die.
Well, we'll just have to go out like men.
- He's right, Percy. - I know he's right, but I'm still scared.
DARLENE: Keep talking, girl. NAOMl: I got a little.
I'm liking it. Color? You gonna share your color?
- See, you don't share your color. - No, I'm not. I'm not gonna do that.
Give up your secrets, honey.
This is gorgeous. Pink passion. Every woman needs this.
No, y'all know what I always say. A little bit of makeup...
...a little bit of hair ain't never hurt nobody.
Girl, you know I ain't lying.
PERCY: They're in there. SIMON: Maybe I should go first.
Are you crazy? I'm the one who's got experience in this sort of thing.
You just pay attention. I'll show you how it's done.
Straighten yourself up. If you go up in there, man, go up in there like a man.
- Oh, you got something... - Thank you. Yeah.
- Man, I'm not gonna... - No, no, we got this. We got this.
- Well, well, if it isn't Mr. Percy Jones. - It is I.
NAOMl: It's about time you showed up. - What's up?
I'm well.
- Percy. - Marilyn.
Marilyn, may I speak to you in private, please...
...so the ladies can continue eating?
NAOMl: Oh, no. DARLENE: You can go on home with that.
- Not going down like that, my brother. NAOMl: No way, no how.
You know better than that. You got something to say, you say it right here.
- In front of everybody. DARLENE: Step up to the chalk line...
...and be a man.
Look, I married you, didn't I? Don't that count for something?
DARLENE: Hell, no.
- He want an award? - That don't count.
- Yeah, it really doesn't count. - Come on, now.
Oh, hell. I was wrong, okay?
- It's a good start, Percy. - Keep going.
I've been wrong for a long time, ever since I forgot...
...that you're my better half.
Hell, Marilyn, you're everything I'm not.
Without you, I'm not whole.
Look...
Baby, before I met you, I thought I was all that.
And then you came into my life, and I realized I wasn't all that.
Wasn't even half of that.
Might have been a quarter of that. But then you left me last night...
...and I remembered how it felt to be without you.
And let me tell you something. Man, I ain't shit without you.
- Tell it. - Thank you.
PERCY: And I forgot about that...
...and I'm sorry.
[WOMEN GASPING]
Baby, marry me.
Make me whole again.
- I love you, Percy. - I love you too.
DARLENE: That's what I'm talking about. - Get your man back, girl.
PERCY [MOUTHING]: I'm sorry. MARILYN: I missed you.
PERCY: I couldn't sleep last night.
I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry. I feel so much better.
WOMAN: That's the reason I love you. - You know.
[CLEARING THROAT]
Guess it's my turn, huh?
- Yep. - All right.
SIMON: Well, that's gonna be a tough speech to follow.
- It was a great speech, Perc. - Thank you.
Yeah, I had something similar in mind.
Great minds think alike.
DARLENE: Admitting you were wrong is a start.
- It would. - That's right.
Right.
Go ahead, man.
Baby, I was wrong!
What are you doing?
I wanna see your sexy body go bump, bump, bump.
NAOMl: Oh, no. - We have to talk in private.
- What? THERESA: I don't wanna hear it.
- No, no. Mom. NAOMl: Let's work this out.
- Mom. WOMAN: Oh, child, please.
Ladies, please.
- Take your man, work out your business. PERCY: That's right.
Go on, go on.
THERESA: Thank you. NAOMl: Don't let him walk on you.
That ain't right.
- Did he say "bump, bump, bump"? - It was Percy's fault.
Those young kids are in love, they finally like each other, and y'all interfering.
My love's right here. Don't tell me how to find my love.
Lord, have mercy.
Baby, come on.
Look, I was trying to impress your father.
I didn't wanna show up here and be the unemployed fianc�.
I've never lied to you before, and I will never lie to you again. Ever.
You lied about asking my father for a loan.
That was an omission that was tied to a previous lie. It doesn't...
- And I look like an idiot to you? - No.
You look a little bit like Percy Jones, though.
- I can't believe you're trying to be funny. - Baby.
- Why are you trying to be funny? - Come here.
- Just don't touch me. - You need to calm down.
You made me look like an asshole. Don't tell me to calm down.
- You're doing a good job of it yourself. - What?
Not telling them about me.
And then I pitched in, and I blew it, okay? L...
I panicked when I found out Nathan was blackballing me.
I thought if I could score this IPO I'd have money until I got another job.
- But I was doing that for you. - What am I, your mother?
I don't need you to take care of me. Do things with me, not for me, Simon.
- Will you talk to me? - I am talking to you.
- No, you're talking at me. - I am talking to you, Simon...
...but you need to talk to me and tell me...
...how can I believe in you if you don't trust me enough to tell the truth?
How do we get past this, with this skin, if we don't have each other's back, huh?
Oh, okay, I'm always gonna be the white boy.
I'm always gonna be the black girl, but I'm willing to deal with it...
...and I don't know about you. I don't know.
And if you're gonna quit on me, do it and don't...
I'm standing here. I'm standing right here.
What more do you want from the white boy?
I've busted my ass to make you happy.
Then let me make this easy for you. The engagement is off.
- Fine. - Good.
Great.
I'm in Jersey!
- Okay, stand still now. PERCY: I'm still.
You all right?
Yeah.
I'm fine.
I'm great. It's gonna be a great day, Dad.
- It sure is. - Yes.
And I'm gonna take lots of pictures, so you better smile big for me, okay?
- I will. - And no crying.
- Mom said you cried last time. - I was not crying.
I was sweating from my eyeballs.
I was nervous. I knew I was making a big mistake.
A 25-year mistake.
And going for 25 more.
Sweetheart...
...why don't you call that man.
You know he got his cell phone, you know he does.
He's probably waiting on the 5: 15 train.
We got a party going on. You get his ass back here.
- How many missed calls last night? - Thirty-three.
- Thirty-three? - Yeah.
Thirty-three missed calls? Sweetheart, that's major.
And you know the man unemployed. Yes, but he called you, so give him that.
Thirty-three missed calls, and you can't call him once?
- Girl, don't be so proud. - No, Dad, it's not...
Pride ain't nothing when it comes to matters of the heart.
- It's not that. - It's not?
No. It's...
I was gonna marry him.
- What? - We were going to announce...
...our engagement this weekend.
So you see...
...I have you to thank because you saved me from a big heartache.
Sweetheart, I just don't understand something.
- Why did Simon quit his job? - I don't know, he didn't say.
Why quit on the day he's gonna meet his future father-in-law?
Maybe he got tired of waiting for that promotion that never happened.
Simon's a rising star, Dad. He really is.
I believe that.
Oh, but that boss of his is just not a nice man.
- You ever met him? - A couple of times.
He was always friendly, kind of.
But he always had this look in his eyes, you know. It just...
Just not a nice man.
But he was Simon's mentor, so...
Whatever.
Let it go.
Today is about you and Mom.
Okay.
Now, first picture of the night.
- Let me get on my good side. - Smile. Smile.
I don't want Mom to see me like this.
- I love you, Dad. - I love you too.
Damn.
DANTE: Oh, no, no. Do not do this to me, Percy Jones.
We have a schedule. Ticktock. Everything works. Timing.
- I'll be right back. DANTE: Timing.
- I'll be right back. - In 10 minutes?
- Or so, okay? - How so?
Oh, I'm sorry. Percy, have you met my wife, Diane?
Well, I've certainly heard a lot about you, Percy.
Nice to meet you.
- Does Marilyn know you're going AWOL? - Of course.
She does not.
Marilyn. Marilyn!
- Marilyn? MAN: Right, yeah, that's good.
DANTE: Marilyn?
[HONKING HORN]
[TRAIN BELL RINGING]
So you missed your train, huh?
- There's another one at 6. - You gonna be on it?
I should've been on that one.
What are you doing here?
I know why you quit your job.
You told your boss you was coming here. He said, "Don't marry that black girl."
Those weren't exactly the words.
How'd you know we were getting married?
I told you, son, don't nothing get past Percy Jones.
- Theresa told you. - That too.
Come on, man, let's get real.
What you did with your boss was honorable, impressive...
...and stupid.
Can't quit your job every time somebody roll their eyes at you two.
You'll never make any money.
How do you do 25 years?
Painfully.
No, seriously...
...if you gonna marry one of these women, sometimes it's gonna hurt.
All you can do is admit you're wrong and know that she's always right.
- She's right? - That's right.
- Always? - Right.
- That's right.
All right.
- What about the talk about my dignity? - Do you love her?
Do you want her? Then she's always right.
Look, I know I didn't give you a fair shake.
And I was wrong.
And my daughter, she'd be lucky to have you.
I'm not a quitter, Mr. Jones.
I think I know that about you.
Theresa doesn't.
Well, you'll just have to show her what you're made of.
You know she's a hothead, just like her mama.
Every man gets to choose his destiny, son...
...no matter what his father did.
MARILYN: And, Percy, you are not perfect, but that works for me.
Because two perfect people in one relationship might be too much.
Sometimes you bark and bluff and bluster...
...but I always see the boy I married 25 years ago...
...and I only wish I loved him as much as I did back then, but I don't.
I love him more.
MAN: Thank you, Marilyn, that was lovely.
Percy, your vows.
Marilyn Jones, everyone knows I didn't write my vows.
Everyone knows because you kept beating me up about it...
...crying to all your friends. - What?
You know? Now, look here, woman, I love you.
But you didn't have to do me like that about my vows.
And you know I don't like writing. She knows that.
I'm not a wordsmith.
I do numbers. That's me. I don't do words.
And, damn it, I do money.
And after 25 years...
...all I've asked you is to let me be me.
["YOU'LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER LOVE LIKE MINE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
[SINGING] You'll never find
- Oh, no. Oh, no. - As long as you shall live
Oh, Lord.
- Someone to love you WAITERS [SINGING]: Love you, love you
- Tender like I do WAITERS: Tender like I do
You don't know nothing about me.
You'll never find
No matter where you search
I'm not looking.
- Someone to care about you WAITERS: Care about you, care about you
- The way I do WAITERS: The way I do
Oh, I'm not braggin ' on myself, baby
But I'm the only one that loves you
I think I forgot what love is until you and Simon showed up.
Give that man another chance, daughter.
SIMON [SINGING]: You'll never find
DANTE: Here.
- Simon. - Simon.
Yes, Simon.
It'll take the end of all time
Someone who understands you
Like I do
That's not Jamal.
I could probably find a million reasons...
...why we shouldn't be together...
...but you know what? I don't care.
I don't care either.
- I love you. - And I'm sorry that I lied to you.
I'm sorry too.
You're sorry?
Can you say that again?
- I'm sorry, Simon. - You're sorry?
- She said she was sorry. I believe... - I'm sorry, Simon.
Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you all...
...my future son-in-law, Simon Green.
He's broke, unemployed...
...and he's white...
...but he loves my Theresa...
...and that's all right with us.
Welcome to the family, son. Welcome to the family.
DANTE: And cue the magic.
Wow.
- Look at this. - Will you look at that shit.
Drink up, enjoy.
Ow.
Welcome, man.
SIMON: Let's watch the tango. PERCY: No, let's watch the party.
THERESA: The tango, Daddy, the tango. PERCY: Get your feet off the table.
SIMON: Sorry, sir.
MARILYN: I look pretty good. THERESA: That's you, Mom.
PERCY: Baby, you look good. You look so good because you're twirling around me.
MARILYN: Okay. THERESA: There you go, there you go.
SIMON: You blew that part.
PERCY: That was perfect. SIMON: There was hesitation.
- You did it better the night before. MARILYN: The night before?
SIMON: We had a little dry run the night before.
MARILYN: You didn't tell me that, Percy.
PERCY: You're hallucinating, Simon. I ain't never danced with no man in my life.
SIMON: Taught him everything he knows. PERCY: I was born knowing how to tango.
And let me tell you something about the tango.
- It's a structured dance. SIMON: I told you that.
[GASPS]
THERESA: What was that, Mom? MARILYN: You know what that is.
You're a grown-ass woman.
KEISHA: Damn, Mama, you still got it. MARILYN: I know it.
PERCY: All right, now watch this. This is when I got funky. Go Percy.
ALL: Go, Percy. Go, Percy. Go, Percy. SIMON: You completely lost your form.
MARILYN: Let's watch the vows. PERCY: Let's watch the party.
SIMON: We're watching the party. MARILYN: Okay, fine, whatever.
THERESA: There you are. SIMON: I got her. That girl is mine.
THERESA: Well, I was just shocked you didn't fall down, baby.
SIMON: That is cold. I'm... Check me... I am doing the hustle.
THERESA: You are. SIMON: I'm doing it in your honor, Percy.
PERCY: You ain't no damn hustler. A white man overbite.
You ain't even doing that good.
SIMON: Why's it gotta be a white thing? Black people have overbites.
THERESA: He's doing a great hustle. KEISHA: He's turning it out.
KEISHA: Hold up. Why is my man looking at your ass, Theresa?
PERCY: Why is your man Samoan? MARILYN: Where is Mani these days?
KEISHA: We broke up last week. PERCY: Thank you, Jesus.
THERESA: What happened? KEISHA: I only went out with him...
...to mess with Daddy. And, girl, please, he is too big.
- He is a bone crusher. PERCY: Watch your mouth.
KEISHA: What?
PERCY: Don't use the word "bone" in my house.
SIMON [ON TV]: Put it in drive. Back up the truck.
- Put it in drive. - Yeah.
KEISHA: Where were y'all going, Dad? SIMON: What the...? Let's see that again.
PERCY: Your mother and I got a sudden thirst for punch.
You're old enough. We're going to shake some sheets.
Is that all right with you?
SIMON: I thought you said no bone in the house.
- No, no. - For everyone that wants to see it...
... we do the lift.
We're doing the lift.
SIMON: This is good, this is good.
THERESA: I was so sure you were gonna drop me.
I love you!
SIMON: This is Dirty Dancing. I've done this since high school.
- Yeah! Oh, yeah! Who's the man? THERESA: You did it with other girls?
SIMON: No. No, baby, I only do that with you.
SIMON [ON TV]: I got one more for you!
KEISHA: I know that hurt. SIMON: That... Yeah.
That move there, that's why you're not getting any grandkids.
PERCY: Let me call your mama right now and thank her for those dance lessons.
SIMON: That's a low blow. PERCY: That is just a joke.
THERESA: Simon! MAN: Come on, I'll catch your big ass.
KEISHA: We're down.
It's good she didn't break that dress.
MARILYN: She didn't, but she felt bad about it.
PERCY: They gotta go deep. SIMON: I knew better.
THERESA: Oh, my God. SIMON: It was a great party.
THERESA: It was, Mom.
PERCY: Yeah, I guess a party's not a party until something get broke.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH]